Friday, November 28, 2008

School...
It'll always be something important to me in a fustrating way.
No matter how hard I tried...
How hard I studied...
Things never turn out exactly the way i wanted it to be.
Who won't want straight As in everything?
Who won't want to have perfect marks for every exam and assignment?
But, the world was never perfect..
Life is never perfect..
Maths...I didn't get a mark that was satisfying to myself.
Although it is a very high mark, it wasn't something I have planned for.
Maybe, the higher your expectations were, the higher you drop...
The more pain you will feel.
No one understood how I felt.
I suck at many subjects and it's been hard for me.
Maths has always been my best one but I didn't get the best I could.
I'm sure if I wasn't that careless I would've done better!
Everyone around me tells me that my mark was really good and they would be dying for my mark!
But each person is different because they have different talents.
You might be better at English, so you will expect higher for that subject.
You might be good at SOSE so you expect higher marks for that subject.
It's the same for me, I am good at maths that's why I expect higher.
When it meant enough for someone it doesn't mean enough for everyone.
Because each person is so different and so...
so...eager to be perfect..
I don't understand why some people can get As in everything...
Why is the world so unfair?
Why does some people get to be perfect when some others try so hard but aren't half as perfect as them.
Why?
Life is so unfair...I should've accepted that..ages ago...before I started experiencing the pain.
Some people don't even frown when they don't pass..
Maybe they have accepted that life isn't always the way you wanted it to be way earlier than I had..
I've learnt my lesson.
Never expect too much because the more you expected the more you will lose...
This is also one of the reasons why I like having my own imagined world...
because the pain you experience in it...is never half as painful as you experience in real life...
+ Myxmusic @ 6:08 PM
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Thursday, November 27, 2008

Have you ever had the feeling of strangling yourself because you are such a helpless and useless person!
I promised Leah that I could help her with her blog and I sucked at it!
I am a poop face!
ARGH!
Oh well!
I'm not giving up that easily but I need to say sorry to Leah!
SORRY LEAH!
I really tried but I just couldn't do it!
So, today?
It was Orientation Day in Senior School!
We're gonna be there next year!
How fun?
Not at all!
It's freaky and scary and it just feels like jail!
Ok, I don't really mean that but I can just imagine myself walking around like an idiot trying to find a classroom that is at the other side of school.
Oh my goodness!
Senior School won't be something I describe as big but all the buildings look the same!
And they have random names like H block, A block etc.
They're just random letters!
Couldn't they go with the alphabet!
Or do they not even know the alphabet?
AHDEF etc. Yer totally, that's the alphabet!
Well, Orientation wasn't the worse part but lunch was!
I spent the whole lunch walking with Gaby trying to find where the Levite party was.
We walked around the whole senior school, middle school like twice!
Went into staff rooms and everything but we couldn't find it!
Pastor Paul promised he would've had it in the notices but he didn't!
How horrible!
In the last five minutes we found out where it was and when we got there, all the pizza was gone!
The other people were laughing and yelling happily while me and my friend stood there with our mouths wide open.
I swear if that kid didn't knock into me, a fly would've flew inside my mouth!
It was just incredibily disappointing!
No one noticed us and the feeling was so bad!
BUT!
The biggest BUT here!
We knew there was this library assistant party too in the library!
Me and my friend went in there and I!
Me the talker!
Asked Mrs Homans whether they had pizza left from the party and we told her the whole story!
I'm pretty surprised by my boldness!
We ended up going into the library staff room and my friend's mum was in there being a helper!
And I started complaining to her and all three ladies including my mum's friend, let's just call her my auntie!
Well, she felt sorry too!
Everyone felt sorry for us because our tummies were EMPTY and the bell rang!
And let's just add, my legs were dislocated because I have been walking so much!
Finally, there was ice cream left so we had that instead!
The pizza were well and truly gone!
HORRIBLE!
Oh well, at least we got the ice cream!
No one could've experience such a peculiar party right?
Ok, this is another thing about me!
I don't know why or maybe I am born with this!
Nothing in my life works like it is planned!
Every time there must be some kind of problem!
But this just makes my life ten times more entertaining!
Maybe I can use these events in my stories some day!! x)
+ Myxmusic @ 6:56 PM
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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I've heard so many people tell those who suffer depression to just 'cheer up.' I wonder if they can really believe that it’s that simple.
Depression isn't just sadness. It is emptiness, it is misery. It is pain and nothingness at once. When you are truly depressed you lack the ability or will to cheer yourself up. No one just ‘has depression.’ You suffer from it. This is depression:
Have you ever felt as though your whole body could just crumble any minute? Just crumble and fall apart, like it’s lost anything it had holding it together. That’s what it feel like all the time to be depressed. That raw fragility. It feels as though the smallest disruption in our life, or in your head, or in the world, could send everything spiraling downwards. And it can. The tiniest mistake can cause you to hate yourself more than you could possibly imagine. The smallest crack in your world can make it all seem pointless.Depression destroys any resources you have. Any strength or courage you kept stored away for emergencies. So if the tiniest little storm hits, you are left to trying to survive the ravages of a cyclone without a life boat. It wears you down and even the smallest crack can seem like an earthquake and every minute is spent waiting for the next shake. And then one day, you will find yourself curled up on your bedroom floor, sobbing, because you can’t find anything to wear. Every little thing is just more proof of how worthless you are.
Eventually, you begin to expect it. You anticipate the bad times, because you know the good times are just fooling you. And they are filled with fear and anxiety over when everything will come crashing down again. You are always waiting for the next breakdown. You’ve become so accustomed to feeling miserable, that happiness is a foreign feeling that you won’t even let yourself experience. You don’t deserve it. So you become numb, which at times, is worse than the full-blown screaming and crying depressive ‘episodes.’ You find yourself begging to hurt again, because any feeling is better than feeling nothing at all.
Depression is one of the cruelest of all illnesses. You see, it’s much easier to fight when you can see an end to it all. When you know that in the end you will either win or lose. But whatever the outcome, the war will be over. The thing about depression is it blurs your perception of the future and makes it near impossible to see that end. You start to think that there’s no such thing as ‘winning’ and why bother fighting if you already know the outcome. It gradually strips you of any hope you previously had. And without hope, it’s difficult to see a future or a reason to fight.
♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥ All credits to : ~pixijane from deviantart
+ Myxmusic @ 7:36 PM
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♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥Heya Leah!♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥
How are ya?
Poor poor us aye? We have maths test tommorow!
Thanx for ur compliment!
LOL pro? OH YEA!! LOL!
HAHA!
Nah, I'm not pro!
So...today?
Nothing much....like usual...school...
But English was humuliating!
My cheeks were red when it was the time when my oral was being presented!
It was awfully embarassing!
HORRIBLE!
I was covering my face and Jade...was laughing along with Abbey...
That's so mean...
How I wish Leah saw it! She could've saved me from more HUMULIATION!
So now? I needa go studying for tommorow's test!
Or I will D it...
LOL
Aced it...D it...LOL!
♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥Also, Mushiromigal! I miss ya!♥.·:*¨¨*:·.♥
Please please please keep contact with me!
And this is not a wish or whatever!
It is a COMMAND!
HAHA!
Don't you regret knowing me know?
Too bad, it's too late!
+ Myxmusic @ 6:36 PM
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Monday, November 24, 2008
Ok, so I had two tests today, one science and one music..
They were alright but I won't say i aced them...I suck..
Either way, two tests are out of the way!
Now I just need to continue concentrating for other exams!
I actually feel awful for not updating the fanfics for more than 2 months now!
The worst thing is, my readers still comments!
It's not like I don't want comments, it's just..
It makes me feel like a let them down..
Which I HAVE..
But I don't even have the time to update or what so ever!
I hope they can still hold on!
There's still one more week left!
They can hold on for that long right?
+ Myxmusic @ 7:18 PM
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Sunday, November 23, 2008
I haven't be posting up here for a long time!
I've been having a lot of assignments and exams plastered in my face!
It's really boring but at the same time tiring!
There's around 1 week and 2 days left for school!
i can't wait!
that means there is still 11 days till I go back to hong kong!
I am so excited and so darn worried about my dog at the same time!
I have to leave him here with this auntie!
I don't know if Pepper will be used to the new surroundings and I bet he'll miss us! x(


I have also been reading the series " The Mortal Instruments "
I have been doing more reading than usual now.
I finished the first book of the "Tommorow Series"
And now I am anticiapating for the third book of The Mortal Instruments which will not be out until March 2009!
I am gonna have to wait so long!
Reading wasn't as bad as I thought it could be!
If you find the right book, it'll be just fine! You have to find the right TYPE of book!
Some people like romance, mystery, science fiction!
For me, I think i enjoy romance, mystery and science fiction!
It's nice when all of them are mixed together!
You won't fall asleep! LOL x)

So, now I guess i needa go do more studying for my science and music exam tommorow!
ARGH! I am so tired!!
+ Myxmusic @ 12:48 PM
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